If you have not installed apple bonjour then the IP address will not automatically show. However you can just type or paste the IP address into the port drop down list and press ENTER.

To set the port and auth (if needed) add a board.txt to the current project. There is an "Add Code>Board.txt" workflow if you don't know how to add files to a project.

tip: Click save after making changes to the board.txt. Visual studio auto saves after a build/upload but you need it saved before the build.

Here are two examples for the contents of board.txt

Board.txt password required example:-

# local project board.txt overrides

  network.password=123
  network.auth_upload=yes
  network.port=8266 

Board.txt password not required example:-

# local project board.txt overrides
 

 network.port=8266 

More info here if you scroll down to the lower parts of these pages

https://www.visualmicro.com/page/How-to-install-Esp32-for-Arduino-and-Visual-Mic...

https://www.visualmicro.com/page/esp8266.aspx

Great thanks. You should not need the board.txt if the IP is auto discovered via bonjour because the port and auth are obtained via mdns.

Aruino used to use bonjour i guess they have switched to some java api.

Yes I would expect it to be quick but we do just call the esp toolchain which uses python. 

The esp has a setting for serial upload speed which can be set to 900k+ so if you have that set I guess it is similar to network.

I might be wrong but the OTA allows for 50% of program size so it can upload and only apply the change if the upload has worked. Not sure if that then means some extra processing after upload. It's a bit hazy because it was a couple of years ago that I last tried ota myself.